“I’m afraid of giving myself away, because I don’t know what I am yet”
The images reinforce my realization that the hour before a woman sleeps is often not hers alone. “A woman’s body never really belongs to herself,” writes Alexandra Kleeman: a sentiment so many others have expressed. How about her time?
"I am reminded of a short story by Amanda Lee Koe (also a woman from Singapore) about the relationship between Jenny, an older woman, and the younger narrator, Alice. Jenny advises Alice, “you must be the fulcrum of your own universe”. This declaration encapsulates why I am so fixated on the hour before I sleep. To the extent that we are performing all day what is expected of us in public settings, I crave to restore my energy by finding my fulcrum and coming to rest on it, in the safety of my room, in the hour before I sleep.
In the story, asked what she fears, young Alice states, “I’m afraid of giving myself away, because I don’t know what I am yet”. "